The Balance Between Assertiveness and Empathy for Women

I’ve been working with the EQ-i 2.0 Emotional Intelligence assessment for over a decade and have scored nearly 800 assessments. Through this experience, I’ve noticed a pattern—especially among women.

One of the key emotional intelligence skills measured is assertiveness, which sits between passivity and aggression.

Assertiveness means advocating for yourself while also considering the needs of others. Another key skill is empathy, the ability to truly understand and honor another person’s perspective.

Here’s the trend I’ve observed: Women often score higher in empathy and lower in assertiveness. And I was no exception!

Many women are socialized to prioritize relationships, harmony, and people-pleasing—sometimes at the cost of standing in their own authority. But to be truly empowered, empathy and assertiveness need to be in balance.

So how do you strengthen your assertiveness while maintaining empathy?

I had to learn to dial down my empathy slightly and dial up my assertiveness when delivering constructive feedback. Instead of fearing how my words might be received, I learned to trust that honesty—delivered with care—was the most valuable gift I could give.

If you’re a woman who wants to build confidence in expressing your truth, start here:

✅ Recognize your expertise – Your voice and opinions matter.
✅ Practice speaking up – Even when it feels uncomfortable.
✅ Reframe assertiveness – It’s not about being pushy; it’s about being clear and direct with respect.

This Women’s History Month, I encourage you to find the balance between empathy and assertiveness. Because when you do, you’ll increase your influence, your empowerment, and your success.

I’d love to hear from you: Have you ever struggled with being too empathetic at the expense of assertiveness? How did you work through it?

Best Wishes,

Roberta Moore

EQ-i Coach Founder